Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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