Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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