i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
