Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
