dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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