He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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