Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
