You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
