just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
