I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
