i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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