I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
