remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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