yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
