you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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