I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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