Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
