Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
