Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize