did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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