then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
