you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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