I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
