Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
