pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
