... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You need Xanax blowdarts
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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