Your face is a jimmy john
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
