i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
