found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
