Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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