She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
