just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
