just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
