when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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