I just pynch a tree in the face
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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