I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love having hate sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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