Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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