when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
