Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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