I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
