She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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