I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
