you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
