The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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