drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
