The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
