dude i'm inner monologue high
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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