I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize