I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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