we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
