well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
