I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
