Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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