you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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