life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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