Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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