turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize