guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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