They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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