The maid of honor just puked.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
