Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
