This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
