Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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